I was awakened from a deep slumber at 1 AM by my daughter’s cry and mumbling of something troubling her. I walked into her room, rubbed her back as I stated soothingly “Shh, it’s okay Mae. Mommy’s here, it was just a dream.” In true EllaMae fashion still in a confused slumbering state, she wittingly replied “oh, I forgot” and peacefully fell back to sleep.
As I returned to my bed chuckling I thought about how often I have forgotten what life is really like. This blog is one stunning example of that. The vision of this blog and several other of my endeavors has been with the best intentions to document life…notice a few gaps. My son is 5 and my daughter is 3, and baby 3 is on the way. You know what I forgot about? When I was up every 2-3 hours a night to feed the kids. How my son would beg for me to sleep with him throughout the night or lay with him until he fell asleep (he still appreciates it when I do). How my daughter would sing herself silly trying to avoid sleeping (still does) and we would come down into the living room and dance to Christina Perri playlist on pandora with all the lights off in the house. How I would often crawl into bed with my kids so they could calm me and help me relax on a night when sleep wasn’t on my side. Or, how before I had children I was up often at 2 AM with trouble sleeping and I would then get creative and do a project only to be interrupted at 7 AM with the need to go to work…you know my real job. I forgot how after the kids went to bed I would take to the computer in obligation to create my next post, plan my next social media strategy or edit a batch of clients proofs. These all seem like fleeting memories now.
Perhaps it’s me avoiding the guilt, or perhaps it’s simply a feeling of content. I fall asleep each night with relatively low level of anxiety, I often have the luxury to put both of my children to bed, then come back hours later kiss their cheeks, watch them sleep, and encourage them to “dream big.” While I may stink at documenting and sharing our life stories of the past few years, it’s moments like tonight when I remember how much I really do enjoy life.
When I rolled over at 2:30 AM, still unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to crawl into my daughters single bed attempting to snuggle her along with her 3 pillows, 4 cozy blankets (these are all separate blankets she requires, not the actual bedding) Willy the orca, Diego the seal, and my daughter flailed out across the bed. As I crawled under the covers the baseball from spring break vacation found it’s way into my thigh and I pressed my 25 week pregnant body into a sliver of available space. (Are you getting this visual- sounds relaxing doesn’t it?) I rubbed her head streaking the hair away from her face and watched in admiration of this beautiful girl sleeping peacefully. I placed my arm around her chest snuggling her in close. I could feel her heart beating in her chest and the rhythm of her breathing slowly calm me. She rolled from her side to her back and placed both hands behind her head. I remembered both of my littles as babies would sleep with their hands behind their head. I always appreciated that and recalled someone saying “that’s a sign they are content.” I always followed it up by saying “this is the life?!”
Thank you EllaMae, for reminding me at 1 AM that we have a pretty sweet life. I sometimes forget those little things.