I’m about to close the books on my 29thbirthday…with bothhusband and dog beating me to the punch. From what I hear, the rest of the aging process goes down hill from here, or at least gives into gravity. I thought long and hard about how to celebrate my last birthday, and in fact much to my liking I just let it figure itself out. And instead of talking about a sweet weekend fraternizing with friends and fam, I’ll share 29 things I’ve learn since 1980.
1. No matter how much you despise imitation crab meat, your parents will make you try it once (why do I remember such traumatic experiences?!?)
2. I’m not to young for John “Cougar” Mellancamp’s Jack and Diane (…hold onto 16 as long as you can…) nor too old for Sesame Street (…sunny days…)
3. No matter how close you are to 16, it’s not okay to take the car for a spin without an adult in the car.
4. More than likely a March 15th birthday lands on Spring break or St. Patrick’s day festivities. In either case, you have a hard time getting a free drink from bartenders!
5. If you didn’t get your way with one parent, ask the other. If that didn’t work, clean the house without being asked.
6. It pays to buy the “good” toilet paper.
7. Being the star of stupid human tricks might have been a good idea at 12. It doesn’t hold the same glamour at age 28…or older I’m assuming!
8. You can make almost anything taste better by adding cheese to it….even if it’s just a bun.
9. Being cheap is not always a gift!
10. While it might be a good idea to follow rules at some point in your life, don’t waste too much time while your growing up. If you live there are so many more good stories to tell later!
11. Make sure when you go to a different country and do something that should never be spoken of to your future in-laws, you don’t run into someone who recognizes you while you are at dinner with your new boyfriend and his parents.
12. Be thankful when they find the encounter with the random acquaintance funny.
13. No matter how much your husband is pissing you off, don’t share it with your mother-in-law.
14. Training bras are the worst invention ever!
15. Being single and having girlfriends are 2 of the greatest gifts a woman can have in her mid-twenties.
16. Travelling is not a form of leisure, it’s a way of life.
17. There isn’t much difference between a $30 hotel and a $100 hotel. As long as they both have a bed, a toilet and a shower…the rest is just over-rated.
18. No matter how much you dislike your boss, always leave the impression that you respect them. You can always talk about how much they suck with your friends.
19. A pet dog will always be the first to welcome you home!
20. Sometimes the part of the brain responsible for logic gets clouded by a keen fashion sense. It gets less and less cloudy with age.
21. You don’t need to buy clothes just because they are on sale. Most the time you buy crap you typically wouldn’t and never end up wearing it. But at least you got a great deal on that sweater that sat on the closet shelf for 3 years before you finally donated it to a thrift store.
22. People think you are smart when you can adequately use a fancy word. Sometimes it’s nice to find 2 or 3 favorites just to have on hand in case you might need them.
23. Everything everyone told you about how bad smoking is for you is true.
24. There can never be enough road trips with good friends.
25. 90% of girls you meet in high school are mean and stupid.
26. The taste of wine and coffee get better as you age. That of your taste buds just get worse!
27. Everybody farts. Some are just better at hiding it than others.
28. The more crap you keep in your car, the more likely you’ll be prepared in case you need something.
29. When you’re tired…go to bed!
I’ll leave you with this fabulous tidbit of information. According to Thesaurus.com (I was trying to make my homework essay sound better) the word of the day is scintilla which means a tiny amount, a spark. Seeing how I have that amount of ambition to do anything other than sleep right now…I’ll be leaving you with that tidbit of knowledge…your welcome!