Motherhood: the untold story

I never intended this blog to be a mommy-blog, just simple things that bring joy to my life.  Must say-little man has a lot to do with that…I digress.  Not all stories of motherhood make your heart flutter.   People who portray themselves in such a manner kind of make me want to throw up on them, just to throw a wrench into things.  This excerpt is strictly for your reading pleasure. 

My son has a nagging curiosity for the toilet, which creates some challenges.  Our first injury incident, little man was lifting the toilet seat and dropped it while his other hand was sitting on the toilet rim-Ouch!  Major mommy tears were displayed as guilt and sorrow overwhelmed me.  When the husband and I moved in together we made a rule immediately.  No matter who uses the toilet both the seat and the lid must be closed before you leave the bathroom.  This proved to be helpful when Diesel came into the picture because it prevented him from drinking the toilet water.  I learned last week that it’s even more important to keep the lid closed with little man.  A visitor (who will remain nameless) used our bathroom and left the seat up.  Little man found that splashing in toilet water is utterly exciting and was quite disappointed when he was removed from the situation…ok really he was PISSED.

Not only is he attracted to the toilet when it’s not in use, he also (maybe even more so) attracted to it when it is in use.  Not that you need to know my specific routine, but after a half hour drive home, greeting the family, I usually disappear to the bathroom for a sense of relief.  Little man has caught on to this and if he’s not begging to be held or attended to, he’s crawling behind the toilet.  Just yesterday he discovered a little silver handle that he can pull down.  Imagine the slight shock when he discovered this while I was taking care of business.  He was WAY more amused that I. 

In case you aren’t aware men stand when they pee (maybe you knew that, but I always want to make sure I communicate clearly).  Little man was intrigued by the sound of my husband relieving himself and went to check it out, crawling right up to the toilet seat.  Apparently men lack the skill of cutting it off.   Let’s just say he got a little shower and needed a shower later.  In my husband’s defense the alternative would have been a bigger mess all over the bathroom, so I supported him in peeing on our child.  Does that make us weird?!?!

Perhaps you have dog-children and are curious about the sibling rivalry between Caleb and Diesel.  I guess the best way to define it- Caleb taunts Diesel.  Caleb’s enlightened to offer the dog his toys. Yet when Diesel takes them he know he’s going to be told to “drop it” from mom and dad.  Diesel stubbornly obliges and lets out a grumpy sigh.  Turns out you can train a dog new tricks.  Diesel’s new response…Take the toy, get up and drop the toy on the other side of the room, then return to his regularly scheduled program. Little man’s response (Curled bottom lip, watery eyes and bellers).  Glad they understand each other.  I guess you could say Diesel tolerates the little man.

That changes a little bit with one key ingredient- when little man is eating.  We have a Counter Height table for a reason- we have big dog who would otherwise swipe food (or so we feared). Thus Diesel must properly beg at Caleb’s side in hopes he’ll share a few scraps his direction.  Actually Diesel could care less where the food lands, as long as it’s within his reach.  Caleb has learned this so well he’s becoming ambidextrous.  He’ll feed self and brother simultaneously (Dog with right, self with left) and sometimes he forgets which hands are designated where and there might be some saliva sharing between them.  Our dog neglect has not only resulted in a lack of exercise for all, but a serious weight gain for dog-child.  He spiked an all time “over-weight” classification at 107 lbs this winter. I’m not sure if he heard the Vet or if the subliminal “weight control” food sent him into a frenzy desiring all scraps that are not weight-reduction-dog-friendly.

Speaking of swapping spit, amazing what skills your children pick up and are willing to share.  Somehow Caleb has learned the art of kissing.  Keep in mind it’s more like and open mouth spit encounter, that’s if he feels like your paying attention to him (I may have experienced a few bite marks to the shoulder on occasion)  This is all fine and dandy with family….but attempting to kiss random grocery store workers…I guess we’ll be having the “sex talk” sooner than later (Note: In “Sex talk” I’m not implying that we are going to encourage sex at a young age- just the opposite, but I was curious how you interpreted that!)

I’ll spare you the stories of baby poop, teething, and baby sickness.  I think I provided enough toilet talk to share how un-perfect our world can be.  Life certainly has joyful moments, but it’s not all warm fuzzies and puppy dogs!

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Exploring, Proud Parents

One response to “Motherhood: the untold story

  1. patti

    I was ROFL when I read about the peeing incident with Caleb and Brent. Those stories are the treasures of a lifetime!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s