Category Archives: Let’s talk about me!

redefining our story

October 10, 2013

It’s 8:33 PM my husband walks into little man’s darkened room and snaps his fingers to get my attention.  Slowly I emerged from Caleb’s request to “lay with him” walk downstairs into a darkened dining room with the illumination of 2 candles, 2 wine glasses and the transformational bottle of Barbera wine (a symbol of our honeymoon) with an anniversary card propped delicately against the proper wine glasses on the counter.  The scene was far different 5 years ago.  Completing a rehearsal dinner with our favorite people and favorite meal (still is, although a rare delicacy in our eat-out options these days), scurrying to the reception hall to decorate and greet out-of-town hotel guests.  5 -years ago we were embracing the eve of our wedding and writing the first chapter of our life together as Mr & Mrs.  Tonight a few chapters are under our belt and our definition of a romantic evening is now redefined to an evening in the basement, drinking wine, watching baseball and hoping the kids sleep through the night!

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5 years ago my focus was details for our wedding day, realizing if something didn’t go according to the 5-page itinerary, it was completely ok.  We had worked over the year to develop a day that would be the perfect start to our story with pieces of us interwoven throughout the day by making and creating all aspects of the wedding that would be future reminders of our life together.  I was focussed on the decorations, the weather, waking up on time and wondering what the next 24 hours would hold.  Today the focus is to not drop our children, remembering to feed the dog or to pick the kids up from daycare, and recognizing that 6 hours of sleep is A LOT, and there is no shame in google being is my new best friend. There is no itinerary fitting for this type of life, and no manual that will prepare you for the heart ache and joy that can happen in a 5 minute swing.

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Today our story is filled with the entertainment of a 5-year old dog, a 3-year-old son, and an 18-month old daughter who keeps our story alive and fulfilling everyday.  The days of serenity are depleted to a few hours of quiet each week and our relationship thrives between the blood lines of our children and moments passing by as we prepare for the daily monotonous lifestyles we live.  And yet with each “uneventful” day we add and fill our story with moments that are more meaningful than the anticipation of our wedding could ever fulfill.

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In five years we have added a few adventures of travel; a loyal dog-child who continues to greet us each day with varying levels of spunk and energy; a house which we have converted to our home filled with projects, pitter-patter of children’s feet, laughter and tears; Our son who prepared us for the un-predictable nature and complete fulfillment of children; and for our daughter who made us realize we really weren’t as ready as we thought we were.  Each day brings experiences, challenges, opportunities, and memorable stories.  I have added a photography business to the mix to help us and others capture these moments to tell the story of our life. To hectic work schedules challenging us to balance professional and personal goals while maintaining the presence in real life.  What I have learned is, I don’t know the half of what I thought I did, and I have loved learning each day with you!

 

My husband, Brent, deserves an award!  He is a talented man who can create whatever I ask.  He can man the house and coordinate 2 children, a dog, dinner, 2-baths, and have kids into bed (on time) with smiles and snuggles, just in time for him to drywall the basement before bed!   I am a free-spirited explorer who has a chaotic approach to life.  Thankfully, my husband grounds me and makes our life a reality.  Each vision, and dream I draft he adds a touch of reality and perception to the story to make our life “for real.” He accepts my creative endeavors, welcomes my spunk, and sometimes encourages my outrageous ideas and spontaneous lifestyle 🙂

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Thank you Brent.  Thank you for being a friend, partner, father, confidant, and life-partner.  Above all thank you for being you and allowing me to be me.  It has been a splendid 5 years with events and stories that I hope we spend many more years expounding upon!

Photo taken by Matthew Murray Photography

Photo taken by Matthew Murray Photography

Happy 5 year Anniversary!  Should we celebrate and go to McDonald’s tomorrow?

Love you More,
Heidi Marie 🙂

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Filed under Deep thoughts, Let's talk about me!, Proud Parents, wedding, wedding jazz

Grateful

On this thanksgiving day I have much to be grateful for.

I’m grateful for my husband who is always willing to help out with mundane (or special requests) to make life easier around the house.  Like helping making a salad,  an appetizer, vegetable and dessert for Thanksgiving meal last night before going to bed.

I’m grateful for my little man who “helps” me fold laundary by decorating the house and himself with his mom’s socks and underwear.  Maybe next time I’ll wait to introduce him to Christams decorating after all the laundry has been folded!

I’m grateful for our dog-child who will cuddle up to you and do everything possible to make your day a little brighter.

And last but certainly not least, I’m grateful for the opportunity to be an incubator to our future daughter.  I am blessed each day with her squiggles and the relentless heartburn.

 

Hope you and yours have a happy and safe thanksgiving Holiday 🙂

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Filed under Daily Grind, Deep thoughts, Let's talk about me!, Proud Parents, The Caleb Times

Writing our Life Story: the next chapter

There comes a point in your life when you feel fulfilled.  The first look at a newborn and the world around you goes still.  Your heart is forever changed in a way that you never thought possible. The life you imagined in your head for years, suddenly becomes a reality unraveling before your eyes. The nights of hanging with girlfriends, are somehow replaced by sleepless nights and early bedtime that you wouldn’t change for the world. You choose to spend 5 more minutes watching your child explore their world, over cleaning up the dishes after dinner.  The days of a clean house seem less important, and time spent watching your child’s 45 minute bath become more meaningful and enlightening each day. The moment you realize every tear, scratch, and sad moment felt by a child doubles in strength for a mother’s heart, is the moment you realize that you are living your life for something much bigger than yourself.

Balancing your life takes on a whole new meaning.  This past summer I charaded my way through a circus act, attempting to balance a professional life (working 50-60 hour work weeks), a creative life (getting my photography & blogging businesses off the ground), and a family life.  Now that the chaos has ended and there is 5 minutes to clear my head, I’m realizing that my job as a mother trumps all other opportunities in life.  In 10 years I  will not  be able to go back and watch my 18-month-old son grab onto the edge of the counter and swing like a trapeze artist. The life I have created could easily continue on each day with a majority of my time spent focused on the monotonous activities of daily life.  However starting in September I chose to take an active role in my life, focusing my efforts on what means the most to me, family.  While it’s certainly not feasible for our family to have me do this on a full-time basis, perhaps it has given light to how I focus my attention in daily life.

I have never regretted the life I have chosen.  I value each aspect to my life, and am grateful for the opportunities and challenges I have experienced.  My professional career is one filled with research, innovation, and teaching opportunities which fulfill my innate desire to learn and lead others.  My creative life is an opportunity for adventure, to follow a passion, a belief, and allow myself to be the creator and the decision-maker all in one.  What matters is how I choose to spend my time.  What if I chose to not go to church on a Sunday morning and instead spend one morning with the husband, son, dog and myself all huddled into one bed that is too – small for our growing family?  Would people judge me?  Most likely, but here’s where I get to choose how live my life.  What if I choose to take a walk with the family over cleaning the house?  Would people judge me- you might if you saw the constant disarray of our house lately.  What if I spend less time in small talk at work and focus on getting the work done so I can leave my work at work? Does this make me less dedicated than others who work beyond a standard work week? The point isn’t that I don’t care, it’s about choosing what is most important and dedicating the time to prove it.

You have not seen a blog post here since July.  Doesn’t mean I wasn’t interested, or didn’t try.  It means I arrive home at 5 PM to a happy and energetic little boy who steals my heart.  We choose to have a family dinner and then spend our last hour together as a family, before I nestle into bed with my little man at 7:30 PM. I watch eagerly as his eyelids grow heavy, how he wrestles to distract himself so he can avoid sleeping for just 5 more minutes, and eventually listen as his breaths grow deeper and soft hums replace the squeals of laughter heard less than an hour ago.  Saying goodnight is always a ritual including a kiss on the forehead enclosed with a whisper “Dream Big Little Man,” (which sometimes prompts him to raise his arm to shew away the strange feeling on his forehead).  Often times I return to repeat the same “Good Night” ritual as I head off to bed myself.  From 8 PM to 10 PM is my time to re-aquaint myself with my husband as it seem likes months since we sat down to a bowl of popcorn and a movie. Over the past month I felt less inclined to do what “needed to get done” and  replaced these activities with what “I want to do most.”

Being a mom is the most rewarding and exhausting thing I have experienced in my life.  In an effort to make things even more complicated and exciting we decided to add another member to our family.  Consider this our announcement…

Little Man will the add the title of “Big Bother” to his name come April of 2012, creating a whole new chapter in our life story.  I can choose to be a passenger in my life, or the driver.  With some unchartered territory up ahead, and new challenges coming our way, I have the opportunity to mold and shape the story of this adventure we call life!

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Filed under Deep thoughts, Foregiveness, Let's talk about me!, The Caleb Times

5 things I did for me

Since becoming a mom, I always seem to find a way to put my priorities on the back burner…I’m sure a few mom’s out there can relate!  So the past several weeks I set out to make some time for myself.  If you need ideas of things to do- check out my happy list.  There’s 100 things that make me happy, maybe we have something in common.

1. Signed up for the Fox Cities half marathon.  Would have been a better idea if I was training.  Does a 4 mile run count as training?  That’s usually my style…not like I’m out to win a gold medal or anything. It did ignite a little fire under my butt to create a new running playlist because of it, and have managed to run a couple times in the past week.  Good things can happen to those who procrastinate!

2. took a day of vacation to scrapbook!  I am nearly caught up on my 2008 year in review book.  I have a start on Caleb’s album, but really the day was meant just for me to get out of the house and spend some time being creative.  I’ve decided I’m going to make a mess and pull a few things out this weekend to work on too!

3.  Open (and drank) the bottle of my FAVORITE honeymoon wine.  It’s a bottle of Barbara and seeing how I’m done Breastfeeding I treated myself (to the entire bottle ;).  Maybe I should have staggered the drinks?! After nearly a year-and-a-half without alcohol, the day after tends to cause your return to hit you like a truck.  I had a headache for 3-days.  Can’t say it wasn’t worth it…I savored every last drop.

4. Spent an afternoon redecorating for fall.  I always have these great ideas and usually it’s the day before Halloween and I’m just getting around to changing out the summer decorations.  This year I took the Friday before Labor Day to pack up summer (it was cold enough it no longer felt like summer) and display fall and Halloween throughout the house.  It feels refreshing to have a change in scenery.

5.  Had a girls night with my mom to go see the movie Eat Pray Love.  I was a big fan, but then again I was a big fan of the book. I loved Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing style- she seemed random and sarcastic. I think we’d get along well!  Either way a night with popcorn and mom at the movie theater adoring Julia Roberts was refreshing.

Nothing earth shattering, but it’s enough to take a deep breath from life.  In the plans are a date night with the husband and I in the near future- like a real date.

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Filed under Let's talk about me!, Proud Parents

Happily married

A conversation of sorts with the spouse via email…

Do you play vball tonight?

Yep @ 7 PM

Well young lady when you get home you have some chores to complete.  Shovel the driveway and sidewalk, cook dinner, oh and play with the dog so he sleeps the rest of the night 🙂

okay, and what are you planning on doing?

I need to run to the store, watch football, and put my hunting stuff away.  You know those kinds of things!

Okay well after volleyball I had planned on meeting up with the girls for a few drinks, shopping for a whole new wardrobe, and finding some rich gorgeous man to take me home…so maybe I can convince him to take care of all those chores!  Let me know if there is anything else you’d like me to pick up for your pipe dream!?!?

That will do!

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Great, I have a “condition!”

So I have this Phenomenon that has been happening since…hmmas long as I can remember.  I am extremely flexible, like I could do bothkinds of splits, I can put my feet behind my head, when I do a back bend I can touch my head to my heels…I know, weird. But along with this crazy flexibility I also have this thing where my joints just slip out.  Just like that my shoulder is sitting in my chest, or I’ll be stretching out my hamstrings and oops, my hip just fell to the floor, dang!

I really began to notice the joint slippage more in high school when I was playing basketball.  When it started happening more frequently- like every game.  And right now I could do it on the left side no problem (I’d take pictures, but in the event that you have recently eaten, I’ll refrain).  The right side however, is a little more of a bitch.  So for example the day before my wedding, I was decorating the tent and Mr. Diesel decided it would be fun to come and check it out, only to have EAT all the gossamer that was graciously donated to me…so I ever so nicely put my hand on his chest and tried to push him back and get him off the bless-ed gossamer-decorating-stuff. Only…dang…that hurt.  You guessed it, right shoulder just dangling. 

Let’s skip a few details and say it’s been happening more and more lately, and last night it happened again- while having a sweet hit in our volleyball game! And the things that’s a little more sucky that the pang of pain that I feel when it first comes out, is the annoying pain for the next week when I squeal while trying to steer my car on a left hand turn, or tuck in my shirt, even brushing my teeth.  So today I decided, I will go hang out with my Doctor and see if he can humor me a bit.  (I might add when I saw a Dr. in high school, he noted I could elect to have a surgery where they shorten the tendons- the scar was hideous, or I could quit playing basketball….I quit playing basketball). 

At this point I might also want to note that I am a walking time bomb and somehow things just happen to me and I get hurt.  Like being at my mom’s company picnic and the stick to they were using to break the pinata broke and decided to hit me clear across the nose…and I was on the other end of the room where all of the pinata breaking was happening.  I also had a random nose breaking 4th of July weekend by Brent’s lovely cousin whom we JUST asked to usher at our wedding!…onward

So I get in with PA and she and I have always gotten along well (we’re both runner’s, and have a random sense of humor) either way she enters and goes”wow, your nose looks great!” (see recent injury above).  I get into the re-occurring incidents I’ve been having.  She asks if I have other joints that pop out, like my hips or knees, to which I reply…yep!

“You know that’s a condition” She states rather abruptly.

I laugh.  “No really” she jumps in.  “It’s pretty rare and most people grow out of it, but it’s a condition” at which point I’m sure my face was stuck in a nervous smirk.  “I cant remember the name of it though” Okay…so we go on talking about different things, she suggests seeing an orthopedic, and so on.  As I’m getting ready to call this appointment over she asks, “so can you put your hands flat on the floor?”

“uh-huh!”

“can you show me?” I do it.  “Wow, you said it doesn’t hurt when you pop out your left one?” 
“that’s right”
“Will you show me?” I do it.  “That’s so weird.”

Apparently I would have been a good candidate for the circus at which point she tells me, “I read a bunch of research that most of those performersend up with bad arthritis.”  Great, I think.  I wish someone would have told me that 15 years ago, I’d quit trying to win all the stupid human trick contests.

As I’m leaving the D-O, she walks me out and says she wishes she could remember the name of the condition.  “ah, just look up ‘loose joints’ online,”  Okay I figured I probably would any way!  All was well, and I was rather entertained by my visit to the Doc’s office…until now.

I googled “loose joints” and figure Mayo Clinic is a pretty reliable site.  Apparently there are several “rare conditions” I could have.  Here are my options: Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Marfan Syndrome, or Rheumatoid arthritis.  None of these seem particularly appealing..as I read on…

  • Flexible joints that extend beyond the normal range of movement
  • Dislocations of your shoulder, knee, fingers, hip, wrist and collarbone…hmm didn’t realize wrists and collarbones could dislocate.
  • Noncancerous fibrous growths on pressure areas, such as elbows and knees; fatty growths on the shins and forearms
  • Heart problems, such as mitral valve prolapse, aortic root dilatation and spontaneous rupture of large arteries …”great!”
  • Family history of ruptured uterus, colon or brain aneurysm

At which point I promptly closed my browser and decided to wait to see the Orthopedic…maybe I can just do some exercises or something and build some strength around those joints to keep them in place.  Better yet, I heard he’s the team doctor for our minor league baseball team, maybe he’ll hook me up with some free tickets, or something.

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The process of acquiring Bridal Hair

Disclaimer: I have extremely thin, fine hair so I must confess this isn’t all mine.  I bought clip in extensions that made my hair appear long and luxurious…or whatever.

(nevermind my ridiculous facial expression!)

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Filed under Let's talk about me!, wedding jazz